Today while I was running (5.5 miles), I had a lot of time to think, and think, and think.
I was thinking about how much my attitude and body image are linked. Last week, although I was sick, I started to finally notice the changes in my body. Changes I have truly struggled to notice until now. I felt proud. I felt like I looked like I had runner legs, and even tried running in shorts (still a bad idea).
Cue this week. I am feeling a lot better, have gotten in some mileage. BUT I gained this week, and I feel like I look big again. All the mental progress I made last week is gone. So quickly! And I realized its SO mental. The 20 pounds lost didn't go away, only the image I saw in the mirror did. How do I fix that image?
The second realization that I had. When I signed up for a half marathon, I told myself I had to go all in. That meant I was committing to training properly, I was committing to eating and tracking properly, and I was committed to cutting down on the alcohol. I haven't done ANY of these. I am still drinking Friday nights, before my long runs, and Saturday nights after. I am skipping mid week runs because I am "too tired" after work. And I haven't tracked at all. I am making this SO much harder for myself.
And it needs to change NOW. Today, I am committing. Committing to tracking, to running and cross training more frequently, and to drinking less (and possibly not at all). I know that I want to do this the right way, to change my body for the better. And I KNOW it won't happen if I keep half-assing everything.
I am putting it out there for all to see. I am committing today.